If you were looking for a good lawyer, would you retain the services of Michael Cohen? | The Tylt

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If you were looking for a good lawyer, would you retain the services of Michael Cohen?

Michael Cohen has experience in many different fields, from the taxicab business to reselling Birkin bags. According to The New York Times, he consistently managed to turn a profit for those he dealt with.

An examination of the efforts to shield Mr. Trump from aspects of his own past shows how Mr. Cohen maneuvered in the pay-to-play gossip world — populated by porn stars and centerfold models, tabloid editors and lawyers with B- and C-list entertainment clients — that came to unusual prominence in an American presidential election.
Mr. Cohen exploited mutual-self interest. By heading off trouble involving Mr. Trump’s history with women, he accrued loyalty points, the ultimate currency with Mr. Trump. He dealt with lawyers who could win fat cuts of any settlements women might reach with American Media or with Mr. Trump.
At least two women got money and, in Ms. McDougal’s case, a promise of favorable attention in American Media publications, which include The National Enquirer, Star, Us Weekly and Radar. Mr. Trump, of course, benefited the most: avoiding more scrutiny as he struggled to dismiss multiple allegations of groping and unwanted advances that arose during the campaign.

Yes, some of those profits were from underhanded dealings, but don't you want a lawyer who's willing to go the extra mile for you?


Not only has Cohen paid money to ensure that negative stories about his client don't find their way into the press, but he has also personally threatened journalists. While this tactic is not always effective—The Daily Beast, for instance, published threatening quotes from Cohen—you can't say the lawyer doesn't put his back into defending his client.

“I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we’re in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don’t have. And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know,” Cohen said. “So I’m warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I’m going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?”
“You write a story that has Mr. Trump’s name in it, with the word ‘rape,’ and I’m going to mess your life up… for as long as you’re on this frickin’ planet… you’re going to have judgments against you, so much money, you’ll never know how to get out from underneath it,” he added.
...“Though there’s many literal senses to the word, if you distort it, and you put Mr. Trump’s name there onto it, rest assured, you will suffer the consequences. So you do whatever you want. You want to ruin your life at the age of 20? You do that, and I’ll be happy to serve it right up to you,” he added.

If you think a journalist has some dirt on you and are looking for someone to bully them into keeping quiet, you could definitely do worse than Michael Cohen!


If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again! Michael Cohen never stopped threatening people for his client.


Cohen definitely excels at bravado, but when it comes to important little details, he seems to be somewhat lacking.

Cohen helped broker a deal with AMI, owner of the National Enquirer, to buy and subsequently bury a story by former Playboy model, Karen McDougal, about her affair with President Trump. Cohen created a shell company, called Resolution Consultants LLC, to reimburse AMI the $150,000 it paid to kill her story. Per The New York Times:

[B]efore the agreement was consummated, court papers say, the National Enquirer’s owner, Mr. Pecker, told Mr. Cohen to tear it up.
Mr. Cohen, however, did not tear it up, the government said.
The paperwork was later found by federal agents when they performed “a judicially authorized search” of Mr. Cohen’s office, prosecutors said.

All he had to do was rip up the paperwork, but instead, all the evidence ended up in the hands of federal agents. Definitely not the type of attention to detail you want in a lawyer.


If unyielding loyalty is something you require from all members of your legal team, you should probably look elsewhere. While Cohen once famously claimed he would take a bullet for the president, he recently seems to have changed his tune. Per NPR:

"I know that Mr. Cohen would never accept a pardon from a man that he considers to be both corrupt and a dangerous person in the oval office," Davis told NPR's Morning Edition. "And [Cohen] has flatly authorized me to say under no circumstances would he accept a pardon from Mr. Trump."
Davis said Trump has used his pardon power to bail out "political cronies," and he added that Cohen "is not interested in being dirtied by a pardon from such a man."

Obviously, Cohen is under a lot of pressure from the numerous on-going investigations he is party to, but that's a pretty harsh about-face. While separating himself from the president is certainly understandable, if you're looking for unflagging loyalty, Cohen probably isn't your guy. 


Michael Cohen did also have a somewhat problematic habit of recording conversations with his clients, just in case. Which, if you are one of his clients, now seems to be a bit of a problem. 

If you were looking for a good lawyer, would you retain the services of Michael Cohen?
A festive crown for the winner