Which popular girls’ group would you rather join: the Heathers or the Plastics? | The Tylt
Imagine: you’ve just arrived at a new school. You're new and exotic, a person of interest. As fresh meat and relatively innocent, you find yourself being scouted by two of the most notorious popular girls’ groups around. The first is the Heathers, plaid-wearing socialites who excel at dishing out dumb polls and keeping Veronicas under their thumbs. Then there’s the Plastics, perfectly coiffed females that take losers shopping and love to perform suggestive Yuletide dances. Who do you join?
Which popular girls’ group would you rather join: the Heathers or the Plastics?
People like to say “Heathers” is “Mean Girls” before “Mean Girls” ever existed. The 1989 movie is a dark comedy about a school-ruling group of teenage girls all named “Heather.” The outlier of this crew is Winona Ryder’s Veronica, who recognizes the Heathers are a bunch of vapid biddies but who also struggles with wanting to maintain a high social status. Then Christian Slater rolls into town, and all hell breaks loose.
“Heathers” also features a lot of big hairstyles, a young Shannon Doherty, and loads of hefty shoulder pad action. There's a string of deaths that surround this rather clueless community, but don't let that put you off too badly. It also has one of the most quoted lines in movie history which, out of context, sounds rather tragic. Trust us, though, it’s funny.
The Heathers appear to be the only group of women under the age of 85 that dig playing croquet, so expect a lot of that when you join up with them. You’ll also be required to wear scrunchies and coordinated plaid outfits; it's best you check with Heather Chandler (Kim Walker) what the clothing deal is before you do any damage.
The Heathers are a ruthless bunch, especially to their own. If all else fails, play an absolutely wild prank on them that way goes too far and which may possible result in a minor explosion. That’ll show them.
There are two surefire ways in which strangers instantly bond: singing “Mr. Brightside” at a bar and dropping a “Mean Girls” quote into conversation. “Mean Girls” is essentially the story about one man trying to get his pink shirt back. Surrounding that story is the tale of a naïve girl (Lindsay Lohan) getting pulled into part of the school’s elite class—a trio of girls deemed “the Plastics”—and how popularity can change people for the worse.
The whole “Mean Girls” script is an entire quotable line. Well, Tina Fey wrote it, so how could it not be? They’re lines about getting pregnant and dying; dogs walking on hind legs; and Aaron Samuels looking super sexy with his hair pushed back. Okay, the last one isn’t really a quote, but hot damn, it’s true.
The dress code of the Plastics appears to be a lot stricter than the Heathers, so be wary of that. They’ll also probably steal your crush away from you, and give you unreliable weather predictions (from bad ESPN, or something). At least one of them has the coolest mom around.
After the fighting and pettiness reaches its explosive peak, the Plastics will eventually have their come-to-Jesus moment and disband. When that happens, your life can go back to normal, boring unpopularity. Hopefully you’ll have some of the greatest people you will ever meet to fall back on.