Who'd bring the law to your town: John Wayne or Clint Eastwood? | The Tylt

Who'd bring the law to your town: John Wayne or Clint Eastwood?

Your town is in shambles: Ruffians rule the streets; the card games are all corrupt; and, worst of all, tumbleweeds are constantly rolling down the road. It's completely wild, run amok with disorder and vice. You need a lawman to bring back justice. Do you use the Pony Express to call for John Wayne, a swaggering beast of a man with a clean record? Or do you send for Clint Eastwood, the ever-squinting antihero that isn’t afraid to play dirty? Who’s cleaning up the riffraff?

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Who'd bring the law to your town: John Wayne or Clint Eastwood?
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#SheriffEastwood
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Who'd bring the law to your town: John Wayne or Clint Eastwood?
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The name “John Wayne” is synonymous with “cowboy.” The titan of Hollywood’s golden days has forever become associated with taking down villains before riding off into the sunset. Over the course of his career, Wayne was in approximately 170 films, many (if not the majority) of which involved Wayne wrangling outlaws in the Old West. 

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John Wayne would answer your call for help, but he may do so hesitantly. Many of his characters have broken pasts in which they question their morals. However, their itch to do right wins out in the end, and they defeat their demons in a ten-gallon blaze of glory. 

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Wayne would have a commanding presence right off the bat. The man’s gigantic: a no-account punk isn’t going to take him down any time soon. Sheriff Wayne’s fighting method is also guaranteed to be fair—a direct punch or shot, no dancing around. If you want a polished clean-up of your town, Wayne’s the lawman to get it done.  

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That’s not to say Wayne doesn’t have some questionable tactics. He’s old school, so he deals his hand of justice to everyone deserving of it, even if they haven’t hit puberty yet. 

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Wayne’s only drawback as a lawman is that he’ll take about 30 minutes to say one word. Patience is a requirement for Wayne’s justice, so don’t expect any speedy solutions, unless you believe slowness and steadiness wins races (or something).   

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You want a swift delivery of justice? Intense gazes? A poncho collection that would make André Leon Talley cry? Then turn to Clint Eastwood, dark knight of the Spaghetti Western, a genre that has nothing to do with meatballs and everything to do with poor dubbing, shady characters, and unequalled action. 

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At first, you might be a bit doubtful in your choice of Clint as a sheriff. John Wayne may speak slowly, but Clint Eastwood doesn’t speak at all—the lack of dialect may lead you to question his intentions. He also has a tendency to be as shadowy and lacking in morals as the criminals he was hired to do away with. Plus, how can he possibly afford all those cigars? 

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Don’t worry, though, he’s on your side. He may do it for a few dollars more, but eventually his crafty techniques gets unruly towns back on track. Another thing Clint has going for him is that he’s more generous with his body than Wayne ever was. How that’ll bring law back to the Wild West is anyone’s guess, but it’s a pleasant bonus nevertheless. 

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But Clint isn’t totally a hardened lawman; the High Planes Drifter has a soft side. He may act like he’s only doing it for the money, but in reality it pains him to see innocent people get screwed over. He is the good among the bad and the ugly, after all. 

#SheriffEastwood

Just remember not to ask him to make your day. That’s way overplayed. 

FINAL RESULTS
Entertainment
Who'd bring the law to your town: John Wayne or Clint Eastwood?
#SheriffWayne
A festive crown for the winner
#SheriffEastwood