What's the worst thing you got while trick-or-treating: raisins or toothbrushes? | The Tylt

What's the worst thing you got while trick-or-treating: raisins or toothbrushes?

Halloween as an adult means drinking while publicly wearing X-rated clothing. As a kid, though, it’s all about the candy. Trick-or-treating was the one night of the year we could openly indulge in cavity-causing revelry. That’s why it was so obnoxious when houses gave out non-candy items. Take raisins, pretentiously touted by schoolmarms as being “like candy, but healthy.” Then there were toothbrushes, which were just a blatant slap in the face. Which was the absolute worst?

FINAL RESULTS
Culture
What's the worst thing you got while trick-or-treating: raisins or toothbrushes?
A festive crown for the winner
#RaisinsTheWorst
#ToothbrushesAwful
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What's the worst thing you got while trick-or-treating: raisins or toothbrushes?
#RaisinsTheWorst
#ToothbrushesAwful
#RaisinsTheWorst

Raisins are essentially expired grapes. If you get raisins for Halloween, you’re receiving old, dried-up fruit when you should be receiving delectable, lovely chocolate. Unless you’re some sweet old lady who just wanted to share her love of chewable food with the world, there’s no good reason for you to give out raisins to trick-or-treaters. 

#RaisinsTheWorst

Think about it: it’s nearly impossible to distinguish a raisin from a fly standing still. Unless you’re stranded in the jungle, desperate to survive, why would you willingly eat either?

#RaisinsTheWorst

If you see some soulless creature gleefully handing out boxes of raisins during Halloween this year, be a good citizen and stop them. Ask them if they themselves would ever eat a raisin for a little self-reflection (the answer is definitely no), and be sure to arrange a neighborhood egging event at their house sometime in the wee small hours of the morning. 

#ToothbrushesAwful

Someone dropping a toothbrush into your candy sack was an absolute atrocity. Jesus, okay, we get it, sugar rots your teeth. Alcohol also kills brain cells, and you don’t see people obnoxiously handing out water bottles to strangers on St. Patty’s day. It’s like serving nothing but salads on Super Bowl Sunday—it’s an open, condescending contradiction to what the majority of people are celebrating just to seem above it all and, by default, better than them. It also results is you getting your ass beat. 

#ToothbrushesAwful

At the end of the night, kids want to dump out all their candy on the floor to bathe in their soft, pulsating light. A toothbrush plonking upon that pile extinguishes that light. You really expect some kid to giddily run to the bathroom still in costume going, “Oh, yes, I can’t wait to use my new toothbrush!”? We know you don’t, psycho. 

#ToothbrushesAwful

Do us all a favor, and stock up your trick-or-treating handout stash with all the good stuff. It’ll make for a more joyful Halloween, and for less toilet paper covering your front lawn. 

FINAL RESULTS
Culture
What's the worst thing you got while trick-or-treating: raisins or toothbrushes?
A festive crown for the winner
#RaisinsTheWorst
#ToothbrushesAwful