Is infidelity a dealbreaker? | The Tylt
Everyone makes mistakes, but according to some, not all mistakes are created equal. There's no question that any kind of infidelity brings massive heartbreak and confusion, and for some, there's no getting past it. According to this camp, any kind of infidelity is an absolute dealbreaker for the relationship. But for others, choosing to stay in the relationship and regain trust is still an option. If your partner regrets what they've done, is infidelity a dealbreaker?
Is infidelity a dealbreaker?
If your partner is completely remorseful and apologetic for what they've done, infidelity doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. Despite the heartbreak and feelings of betrayal at the outset, it's important to look at the situation holistically.
As Elite Daily's Veronica Lopez puts it, "sometimes the cheating is a reflection of a bigger problem that's already in place." It's up to you and your partner to be brutally honest with one another to figure out what that problem might be, whether or not it can be fixed, and—most importantly—whether or not reestablishing trust is possible.
Lopez spoke to a number of relationship experts on whether or not couples can or should move past infidelity. According to Dating coach Monica Parikh:
“I think fundamentally, you have to ask yourself, ‘Is this a good person?’” Parikh says. “Are they trustworthy? Do they have friends that support the relationship? Are you always going to be peeking over your shoulder, or do you think this is a blip in time over a long period of time in a relationship?”
Above all else, remember that your partner's infidelity is not your fault and that true forgiveness takes time.
Plenty of people have tried to forgive infidelity in their relationship and failed. For some, attempting to stay with someone who has cheated only extends the suffering. No matter how hard these people tried to move beyond the cheating, their relationships reached the same, inevitable end: a breakup.
Thought Catalog gathered insight from people across Reddit and found that most users overwhelmingly recommend ending a relationship after any kind of infidelity. According to their collective experience, cheating ruins the power dynamic in a relationship, throwing it completely out of balance. As one writer puts it:
Someone will always “owe” someone and it’s not something you can ever make up to them. If you fight, it will always come up. And for day-to-day stuff, how can you ever trust them going out again? How can you give them freedom? You’ll either smother them and kill the relationship slowly, or you’ll hold in your own doubts and smother yourself.
Cheating can't be "undone." Rather than stick around for what was, it's better to accept reality and move on.