Cereal, that ubiquitous breakfast item, became especially popular after John Harvey Kellogg promoted the stuff. He claimed the whole grains would aid in digestion (which they do) and good eliminations would curb sexual desires. When it comes to that stuff, he was 100 percent banana-salad insane. But corn flakes taste good, so there you have it.
Soup, as you know, was invented in 1748 by Lord Campbell, the fifth Earl of Soup, when he struggled to feed dinner guests who were dehydrated after a fox hunt. I’m joking, of course. Soup has been around ever since someone figured out you could put stuff in water and cook it. It’s popular absolutely everywhere on Earth. Basic human food.
Let’s define the terms. What is soup? It’s a suspension of edible stuff in an edible liquid. Served hot? Not so. Gazpacho is cold, and that is soup, or at the very least a non-alcoholic Bloody Mary. And not all cereal is served cold. Oatmeal is oats, milk, sugar and sometimes added flavorful bits. What is Cheerios? Oats, milk, sugar, and whatever else you add. If you think, well, soup is savory and cereals are sweet, consider that congee is savory, made of grains and liquid, and eaten for breakfast throughout Asia. Conversely, some soups are sweet. Zuppa Inglese is neither soup nor English, much the same as Grape Nuts are neither grapes nor nuts. Norwegian sot suppe is made with fruit, sugar and tapioca. It’s practically boba. Is boba soup? I guess so. Anyhow, so is cereal. So there.
Cereal is not soup much the same way that a shark is not a dolphin. Similarity in structure does not equal similarity in function. If you don’t believe me, try getting a shark to jump through a hoop. The purpose of cereal, hot or cold, is to add a hearty load o’ carbs to your day, to silence children while you have coffee, and to feed you at 2 in the morning, if that’s how you live. Soup is not like that. No one has fond memories of eating a bowl of chowder and watching Saturday morning cartoons. At least, no one I care to know. And when you are sick in bed, did your Grandma ever bring you Rice Crispies? No, because your grandma is not a lunatic. I hope.