Would you rather be a hobbit or an elf? | The Tylt
Would you rather be a hobbit or an elf?
Hobbits’ lives are goals, man. They live in the Shire, one of the most beautiful places in all of Middle Earth. They’re day-to-day also includes a steady schedule of eating, smoking, drinking, and repeating, which is basically what every adult wants to do at the end of the day, anyway. In fact, hobbits eat seven times a day, with none of this “crucial food groups” nonsense kids get taught in schools.
To be a hobbit is to be a tenderer of the earth. You care over your garden or potatoes or whatnot, allowing for them to grow to their fullest potential with your love. Then you eat them for elevensies, head over to the Green Dragon for some ale, and hopefully get Rosie Cotton to dance with you.
“The Lord of the Rings” finds hobbits going far out of their comfort zone to save what’s most important to them. Previously stereotyped as lazy, cocooned folk, Frodo and crew break those glass ceilings and take down Mordor with no fancy magic or wares about them. All it took was a little lembas bread, some boring talking trees, and one Samwise that had to put up with some seriously extra antics the whole time.
Elves are as cool cats as cool cats can be. They rarely if ever show their emotions (unless they fall in love with an oh-so-sexy Viggo Mortensen), particularly in situations like battling a bunch of orcs and Uruk Hai at Helm's Deep. They mostly have no patience for humans and their proclivity to screw things up, especially when their mistakes set terrible things in motion for hundreds of years thereafter.
There’s also different levels of elves you could align yourself with. You could hang out with Lord Elrond and company at Rivendell, floating around and pondering the universe for most of your days. Or mosey on over to Lothlórien to live under Lady Galadriel who, honestly, has some of her own issues, but don’t say you haven’t wanted to live in a tree at one point in your life. No? Weirdo.
But just because they come off as crunchy-granola airheads doesn’t mean elves can’t kick some serious butts. They’re as sleek and effective as a Gillette razor, cutting through Sauron’s armies like warm knives on butter, performing one of the greatest battle scenes of all times. Look how synchronized they are!
Tired of life? Peace off to the Grey Havens, the Florida for Middle Earth's retired elves, for whatever the blue blazes they get up to over there. If not, spend a little time with your dwarf friend and regularly challenge them to drinking contests. Spoiler alert: you can’t lose.