Should you split the cost of your engagement ring with your partner? | The Tylt

Should you split the cost of your engagement ring with your partner?

Tradition says the person who does the proposing pays for the engagement ring. Many people believe the guideline is to spend the equivalent of three month's salary on the ring for that special guy or lady. But some couples argue it's only fair to split the cost of an engagement ring, and that doing so starts off your marriage on a level playing field. Traditionalists are appalled by this idea, arguing splitting the cost ruins the surprise of the proposal. What do you think?

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Should you split the cost of your engagement ring with your partner?
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The average cost of an engagement ring in the U.S. is almost $6,000, but that doesn't mean you should ask your partner to help split the bill. The engagement ring is the physical gesture of the proposal itself; it implies a long-term commitment from the proposer to the person they are asking to marry them. 

With this in mind, many couples are "vehemently against" the idea of splitting the cost of the ring, as it should remain a gesture from one partner to the other. The Knot'sMaggie Seaver reports that although some couples talk about the ring prior to a proposal, that is where the collaboration ends:

That said, while our survey reports a third of couples hunt for ring styles together, and 70 percent of brides know how much their partner spent on the ring, only 8 percent of grooms actually decided on a ring budget together with their partner. 
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Plus, as some couples point out, splitting the cost of the engagement ring does ruin the surprise of the proposal. The Knot reported on one woman's experience:

“My fiancé bought my engagement ring. It was a complete surprise and he picked the perfect ring for me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re buying each other’s wedding bands.” —Kristen

By asking your future husband or wife to share the cost of their engagement ring, you essentially kill what has become one of life's greatest surprises. 

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For other couples, sticking to tradition for tradition's sake is just silly. There are plenty of reasons why it is in your best interest as a couple to split the cost of an engagement ring. 

For some, if your finances are already merged, there's no way to avoid splitting the cost. One woman explains her reasoning on a Wedding Bee message board:

S and I share all our expenses 50/50. Rent, bills, groceries, dates, its all 50/50. This is because we are equals in our relationship and no one person holds any power over the other. This is one of the most important parts of our relationship...The idea of S spending a lot of money on a ring to give me, when he would not receive anything material in return seems odd to me.

This couple's solution was to put money in a pot together, and for "S" to simply propose when he was ready.

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For others, the idea of splitting the cost of the engagement ring comes down to maintaining equality. A proposal is a significant moment for any couple; it marks the moment a relationship turns into a life-long commitment. Why would you ever want that moment to begin on an unequal playing field? 

Pop Sugar's Samantha Sutton explains her boyfriend wanted to buy the ring on his own, but she disagreed. The more she and her partner talked about getting engaged, the more she offered to help pay for the ring. She says:

Maybe it's not half — maybe, instead, I'll put a specific amount aside for him to use, this way he can still "surprise" me (yes, I've thought about this at length). I just feel like paying for a portion — even a small one — is the right and more practical thing to do. After all, we'll be beginning the rest of our lives together as equals, why not start here?

For Sutton, clarity and equality on the cost of the engagement ring were much more important than any surprise. 

FINAL RESULTS
Culture
Should you split the cost of your engagement ring with your partner?
#ShareCostOfTheRing
A festive crown for the winner
#ProposerPays