Here's the thing kids; umbrellas are pointless! The only reason why people use them is because we've been told that it's the "normal" thing to do. Not only do they not keep us dry during a downpour, but they break easily. How many times have you been walking and BOOM, a gust of wind turns your umbrella inside out? Is there anything worse than fighting your embarrassment as passengers look out their window and judge you from the comfort of their $7 UberPools? Honestly, we as a society deserve better. We're already fighting our internal demons and trying to be responsible adults. We don't need to be fighting our umbrellas too, dammit! Let's all collectively decide what a colossal waste of money umbrellas are and revolt against the umbrella business!
Let's be honest here—while carrying an umbrella everywhere may not seem very practical, that just isn't true. A good umbrella will keep you dry. Perhaps people just aren't buying high quality umbrellas. If you're complaining that an umbrella sucks and you're spending less than $30 for it, that's your fault, pal! Look at it like this—if you want to be healthy you go the extra mile to splurge on high quality ingredients. The same sentiment should be shared with umbrellas. The effort that you put into buying an umbrella is important.
Not only is it absurd to spend a lot of money on an umbrella, but let's be real—we still get wet. There have been countless times where you'll use an umbrella and your backpack, shoes or parts of your body are drenched. You might as well just get wet, and for free! Why waste money on something that isn't going to protect you fully? They are not efficient at all.
The umbrella slander is insane. So what if your shoes are wet? Of course they'll be wet, but at least your hands, face and hair will be dry. Those are the important things. Umbrellas also aren't just used to shield you against rain. They're also used to help protect from the sun! It's a multi-functioning invention and should be respected.
Umbrellas suck, but they're also dangerous! Just look at the way it almost took Chrissy Teigen's eyeball out. They should be banned for this reason alone!
According to dictionary.com, if something is pointless it serves no purpose. Umbrellas do serve a purpose, which is to help shield people from rain and the sun. Just because some people don't have taste and don't like them doesn't mean they have no useful qualities.